May 11, 2026
š§ØTruth-Bombed: Trump Potentially KILLS Ceasefire, Oil Rips 2%, and the S&P Prints a Fresh Record
Wake up babe, Trump dropped another ALL caps disstrackā¦
Itās Monday friends, and what do you knowā¦ oils pumping, Iran’s ceasefire on life support, Netflix outed as a glorified surveillance company, and the S&Pā¦ set another record. The kind of Monday where you wonder if the tape is still attached to the news cycle, or if the algos are just milking their muscle memory.
Either way, the macro driver was none other than Donnie Deals, who used his Sunday off to tap out a Truth Social post calling Iran’s latest counter-offer “TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.” Tehran had asked the US to lift sanctions and wind the war down on all fronts. Donny’s response, in caps, arrived before markets even opened.
By Monday morning, the month-old ceasefire, the one Trump himself brokered, was “on life support.” Also: “unbelievably weak.” Brent crude got the memo and tacked on 2% to $104, with WTI clearing $98. Anyone short oil into a Sunday Trump post is, at minimum, having a religious experienceā¦ and not the good kind.
As for investors, weāre YOLOing. The S&P notched up .19% for a fresh record, while the Nasdaq logged a record of its own before fading to flat. The Dow, meanwhile, followed suit. For context, the market has spent six months pricing Donny as a Truth-Social-shaped weather system, destructive in concentrated bursts, rarely sustained. The reaction function is now: post drops, oil pops, equities don’t flinch, and by Wednesday the ceasefire is somehow back on. Nobody loses sleep over it.
Elsewhere, in stonk land, Netflix took a 2% haircut after Texas AG Ken Paxton sued the company for harvesting and selling subscriber behavioral data without consent. Quoting straight from the filing: “Netflix is a logging company that records and monetizes billions of behavioral eventsāand occasionally streams movies.” #getrekt.
Paxton alleges Netflix sold viewing habits, devices, household networks, and app usageā¦ “every interaction”ā¦ to commercial data brokers, pulling “billions of dollars a year” off the side hustle. Netflix has spent a decade insisting it’s a content company. ‘Netflix and chill’ was a logged event sold to advertisers the whole time. BONK. As for me, I’ve personally rage-tabbed away from four shows this quarter, and apparently each one of those clicks paid for someone’s Tahoe.
On the green side though (literally and figuratively), EVgo squeezed 3% before closing the day flat (EV charging), Casey’s General Stores added 2% (gas stations and pizza, a Midwestern empire that compounds in silence), and Sonic Automotive picked up 1% before closing down -.47% (dealerships, also unkillable). On the red side, Caleres, parent of Famous Footwear (thatās still a store?) and Sam Edelman, got pasted for 9%, with Kohl’s eating an identical 9% L. The mall, in other words, is still where good earnings projections go to die.
In the end, that was Monday for ya. Stocks at record highs while we eyeball $100 oil and your TV watches you back. (Yes, watches. Read the lawsuit.) And place your bets accordingly. Until next time, friendsā¦
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Mario Kart Inflation Hits Critical Mass as Nintendo (-8%) Gets Shellacked by AI-Driven Chip Prices
Somewhere right now a dad is standing in Target whispering to his nerdy son, āMaybe the Wii still works.ā
Happy Monday to everyone except Marioās landlord over at Nintendo HQ who just watched the stock eat a blue shell to the face. Apparently the Switch 2 machine that keeps interrupting my YouTube videos every seven seconds isnāt expected to sell quite as hard anymore after Nintendo raised prices due to exploding memory chip costs.
In turn, shares cratered (-8%) and hit their lowest level since last summer. Which means somewhere at HQ thereās probably a sleep-deprived executive muttering, āI thought AI was supposed toā¦
Cloudflare CEO Declares AI Workers ā100x More Productiveā as Company Vaporizes 1,100 Human Jobs
Cloudflare: replaces 1,100 humans with AI agents
Also Cloudflare: āNo no guys, this totally isnāt about cutting costs.ā
Let me just sayā¦ if you werenāt already figuring out ways to make yourself seem valuable to the bossman, now might be a fantastic time to start. Anyways, Silicon Valleyās annual Hunger Games are officially back underway.
First it was Jack Dorsey over at Block. Then Coinbase started trimming bodies. And now Cloudflare has apparently decided 1,100 employees can be escorted directly into the AI meat grinder.
ā Market Gossip
> Trump invites Elon Musk, Tim Cook, Larry Fink and other CEOs to join China trip for Xi summit (CNBC): Wild Hogs Part 2ā¦
> Michael Burry Warns of Stock Crash as Tech Jump Echoes 2000 Peak (Bloomberg): Meanwhile, everyone elseā¦
> Microsoft CEO Testifies About Sam Altmanās Firing in Elon Musk Megatrial (WSJ): This trial is the gift that keeps on givingā¦
> Saudi Aramco CEO says oil market wonāt normalize until 2027 if Hormuz disruption persists (CNBC): Aaaaand suddenly, Limeās IPO timing doesnāt sound half badā¦
Micron Goes On RAM-page With Best Week Since 2008, Shares Moon 38%
āI just chipped my pantsā¦ā – Micron investors after the week they just had
Micron is back, and this time they aināt f*ckin around. Memory chips are back and the boring chip company you forgot existed sometime after the iPod era, is now worth more than Mastercard. Up 38% on the week, 84% on the month, market cap over $840 billionā¦ all for chips that your laptop forgets to use.
In short, Micron Technology melted faces last week as the AI buildout has finally noticed that GPUs need something to talk to. DRAM and NAND, the memory and storage standing behind every Nvidia rack on Earth, are now in such short supply that hyperscalers are paying through the nose for chips they used to dictate the price on. (Spoiler: They arenāt loving it). Mizuho’s Vijay Rakesh put it plainly: Micron sits across DRAM and NAND with leading-edge nodes and rising layer counts. (Translation: they make the thing, they make it cheaply, they make a lot of it, and “the thing” is suddenly the most valuable commodity in the AI supply chain.)
And shocker, Micron isnāt alone in thisā¦
Sub-Lime: Lime Files for IPO With $846M of Debt Coming Due and a “Substantial Doubt” Warningā¦
āHave they learned nothing?ā – Adam Neumann reading Limes S-1 probablyā¦
Iām no expert, but generallyā¦ you donāt file for an IPO the same week your auditor finalizes an opinion that uses the words “substantial doubt.” Lime did it anyway, on Friday.
In short, the Uber-backed e-scooter company, incorporated as Neutron Holdings, filed an S-1 with the SEC to list on Nasdaq under the ticker LIME. CEO Wayne Ting has been publicly promising this IPO since 2020. The reason it finally got filed in May 2026 sits inside the same document: $846 million of debt comes due in the next twelve months. Lime has $261 million of cash to meet it. The auditors put a going-concern paragraph in the audit opinion. That’s bean counter for “youāre about to be sent to the gulag.ā
(In fairness, the underlying business looksā¦OK?) Revenue grew 29% to $886.7 million in 2025, free cash flow doubled to $104 million, and the company is in 230 cities across 29 countries. Meaning, the neon-green hazards you trip over outside your downtown bar are a real business.
The problem though, is the math that aināt mathinā. For instance, Renaissance Capital figures Lime can raise about $250 million in the IPO. The debt due in the next twelve months is $846 million. So even if the deal clears at the top of the range, Lime walks away with roughlyā¦
āWTFā Meme of the Day
Gonna tell my kids this is Warren Buffettā¦
Oh, and one more thingā¦
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